Falling For The First Time

This is just a short post, perhaps even a random post. Today I decided to stick some music on (quietly) while lying in bed, I wasn’t enjoying the silence.

Anyway this song came on and I’ve been listening to it on repeat. You see this song was sort of my “anthem” if you like when I first started struggling with depression and anxiety. My hubby said “Rhoda, you have to listen to this, it’s you.” He was right. I can completely relate to this song. It might not mean much to you all but I thought I’d share it. There are two phrases that really stand out to me, I’ve highlighted them in bold. Although to be honest I could highlight the majority of this song!

Here we go…. Falling For The First Time – BNL

I’m so cool, too bad I’m a loser
I’m so smart, too bad I can’t get anything figured out
I’m so brave, too bad I’m a baby
I’m so fly, that’s probably why it
Feels just like I’m falling for the first time

I’m so green, it’s really amazing
I’m so clean, too bad I can’t get all the dirt off of me.
I’m so sane, it’s driving me crazy
It’s so strange, I can’t believe it
Feels just like I’m falling for the first time

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
It feels just like I’m falling for the first time
It feels just like I’m falling for the first time

I’m so chill, no wonder it’s freezing
I’m so still, I just can’t keep my fingers out of anything
I’m so thrilled to finally be failing
I’m so done, turn me over cause it
Feels just like I’m falling for the first time

Anything plain can be lovely, anything loved can be lost
Maybe I lost my direction, what if our love is the cost?
Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind

P.S. I just want to explain why I highlighted what if our love is the cost? After I posted this hubby asked what the phrase meant to me. Back at the start of all this I was scared that this illness was going to cost us our relationship. This has never occurred to hubby. It shows our different outlook – I’m always looking at the negative (or I was, I’m trying to get better!).

That phrase means something different to me now. Now it reminds me of that fear and I almost laugh at myself for doubting us. Our relationship has gone from strength to strength. We have gone through this together, side by side, and we will continue to do so. Our love has most definitely not been the cost…. in fact our love has grown even stronger.

Hope that makes sense!

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8 thoughts on “Falling For The First Time

  1. Oh wow, I feel so close too you every time I read more. Thank you thank you. This song already speaks to me,even more since I started to care for my Granny as you already know.
    Many lines have had me singing in the past as I say this is me. Now ‘I’m so smart, too bad I can’t get anything figured out’ has more impact for me and has resonance for my very smart Granny who taught me so many wisdoms,recipes (hence food blogging) and is now due to dementia having trouble figuring the simplest of things out. Truly thank you for sharing what it means to you and I am so glad you have a very wise husband and love! xx Does this make sense, I have been up all night with a confused lovely and I am exhausted and acting a bit confused myself.

    • Thank you Jo. Yes it makes sense…well it does to me anyway 🙂 I can totally see how that line would impact you now. I think it’s an incredible piece of song writing as it can mean so many different things to so many people.

      You are doing an amazing job with your Granny, it must be very hard for you. Stay strong and you know I’m here if you ever want to chat. Take care xxxx

  2. Ah it’s amazing how some tunes can totally define us or periods of our lives, isn’t it? In a way I find it reassuring because it means that I may not be the only one feeling that way. I have a couple of songs that I have shared on my blog before, one brings me in tears every time and the other one makes me dance and feel stronger. I think it’s important to have one of each so, what is your strong one? You need one

  3. Its important to hear your experience, Rhoda – it wasn’t the same for me, as when I was ill, my marriage broke up – maybe it just shows that he was the wrong man for me! My struggles and my depression showed me so many things that I would otherwise have ignored – I knew he wasn’t right for me when he said “when are you going to be better”? Not, “how can I help you through this”, despite me supporting him through so much already! However, life carries on and now I am with someone who supports me to the utmost, so we have to keep walking to find a good place! I think that is also the essence of this song, our love was the cost, but it wasn’t a perfect love, it was a lie, and I had always been the strong one, so when I fell for the first time, he wasn’t there to catch me. Someone else was though, eventually, and I am very grateful for that!

    Something good brought you and your husband together and it is marvellous to hear you appreciate that!

    • Thank you Lindsey for your comment and also for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you had to go through so much alone but I’m delighted to hear that you now have the love and support that you so deserve.

      I just love this song as nearly everyone can relate to it in some way. Thank you for sharing what it means to you. xxx

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